Lines Writing Lines » Janglo

Help wanted

NG — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 08:55:20 +0000

This is the best job listing I’ve seen in months.

Help wanted is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

Worst Janglo Ever

NG — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 18:00:31 +0000

Subject: [janglo] Want to donate your car, van, or vehicle?
Date: 17 October 2004 1:22:18 PM IST
From: Tzvi Aryeh R.
To: janglo@yahoogroups.com

Hello,

My name is Tzvi Aryeh and I’m a yeshiva student getting married on
Jan. 11th. My future wife and I would like to buy a car, but can not
afford one because I will be learning in Kollel, and money is very
tight. We will probably have a child within the first year of
marriage B”H, and will not think it will be appropriate for my wife to
take the bus with a young baby

If you are leaving the country, bought a new car, or just want to do
an act of Chesed, please contact me, and I’d be happy to take your
used car off your hands for you.

I can be contacted at [email address removed].

Thank you.

I might be misreading this one a little bit, but does it not seem like this guy is soliciting a free car in exchange for doing nothing (ie, as a reward for not getting a job)? If he is ready to get married, he better damn well be ready to support, at a minimum, himself and his wife. And if they’re planning to have a child, he better damn well be ready to support that child and the subsequent children. Since he apparently has no intention of supporting his family or even himself, he should be held in total contempt by everyone who does work to get money to survive. That itself is bad enough. But imagine what sort of chutzpah it takes to write to an email list requesting a car for one’s own convenience (!!!) and offering no payment for it (!!!).

Buddy. You want to buy a car? Get a job, even a part-time job, and save money to pay for one. And if you don’t think it’s “appropriate” for your “wife to take the bus with a young baby,” why then is it appropriate for me to take the bus, or anyone for that matter? Your wife and you, too (I hope), will have to wake up in the middle of the night countless times to change diapers. You’ll have to feed, wash, shop for, and yes, transport this baby all around town. If you don’t find those things “appropriate,” YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE A FATHER!

Worst Janglo Ever is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

Hyre Me Pleeze!

NG — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 17:30:15 +0000

Subject: [janglo] jobseek/advice :)
Date: 20 April 2006 4:53:52 AM IDT
From: Matan O.
To: janglo@yahoogroups.com

hey
my name is Matan, 19 yrs old, graduated the music and dance high school, and after national service, on my way to become a student at the music and dance academy, as a pianist.
looking fot a job, would love something that has to do with secriterial poasitions.
has mother tongue hebrew and fluent english.
has anyone got any ideas?
:)
thanks,
Matan

If you’re claiming fluent English and looking for a job as a secretary in an office, which would presumably require pretty good English at least, perhaps you’d consult a dictionary on how to spell secretarial, not to mention running spell check to catch “for” and “positions.” Also, I’m probably not the world’s expert on getting hired, but when was the last time someone included emoticons in a cover letter to a resume and actually got the job?

Hyre Me Pleeze! is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

Gag me now.

NG — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 18:27:54 +0000

Subject: [janglo] EVENT: Animal Adoption Day, Jerusalem, April 21
Date: 17 April 2006 6:37:49 AM IDT
From: Zippora P.
To: janglo@yahoogroups.com

We’re not yet back to eating bread,
But please just think a little ahead.
There’s adoption day by Emek Refaim -
Come and give an animal a new chaim!

Adoption Day
Mercaz Tarbut Amim (it’s close to the Liberty Bell Park end of Emek Refaim,
on the right hand side of the road) Emek Refaim 11:30-14:00 Friday, April 21
2006

Experienced animal caretakers are on hand to give advice on all matters and
advise the suitability of each “shidduch” between an animal and adopting
family.
For further information, please call either Eve

I hate rhyming couplets so much,
And a person who writes using them is such,
A loser because rhyming couplets accentuates her inability,
To write compelling prose and also calls into doubt her emotional stability.

Gag me now. is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

verry funy frome janglowe

NG — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 20:50:41 +0000

Subject: [janglo] FORSALE NEW WASHIG MACHEIN
Date: 9 April 2006 2:59:46 PM IDT
To: janglo@yahoogroups.com

strong, medeum size, fruntloading machien. no more then six monthes
old. owned by a singel male. warenty and manual avalibul

Every once in a while I see on Janglo a post that’s so full of spelling errors, I don’t even know what to think. Is this fake? It must be. Either you go to a haredi yeshiva and don’t learn English, in which case you don’t even bother trying to post on Janglo (if, that is, you even hear about Janglo – or the internet) … or you know English well enough to spell basic words like “front” and “months.” I tried counting all the errors in this 24-word (including subject) email and totally lost track. He even misspelled “machine” two different ways. I’m sure this is some sort of a joke.

verry funy frome janglowe is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

Free the felines!

NG — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 17:44:04 +0000

Subject: [janglo] EVENT: Protest Outside Knesset on Behalf of Street Cats
Date: 27 February 2006 9:23:08 AM IST
From: Zippora P.
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;

Please join us this coming Wednesday just before 8 a.m. outside the Knesset where we are planning to demonstrate against the Government’s proposed plan to forbid the feeding of street cats.
The demonstration will last until approx. 9 a.m.
For further details, please contact Eve (Chaya) [numbers deleted - NG].

I only post this because I find it funny. Street cats are like the scourge of my life, diseased and disgusting and overrunning this country, and here there is a group of people that is not only willing to feed them, but even willing to demonstrate publicly their lunacy. Weirdos.

Free the felines! is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

Phone-shopping at the mall

NG — Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:46:25 +0000

I went with Avi to the mall today to go phone-shopping. It seems that most of my friends are on Orange, so it made sense for me to go to the Orange store and talk to someone there. When I sat down, I first explained to the guy that I prefer a flip phone (ie, one that closes), but it turns out that those are exorbitantly expensive. He managed to interest me in one that, although it doesn’t flip shut (so I wouldn’t be able to end my conversations with a convenient flick of the wrist) makes up for it by being bluetooth-equipped, which is awesome because my computer came with bluetooth pre-installed. What’s also attractive is that, even though the phone in question is itself very expensive – way more expensive than the exact same phone in America – according to the guy at the store the price just dropped NIS 1000. So after this price drop, the phone costs NIS 1404, which is still too much. There are only two ways to pay less. I could buy it abroad, but then it wouldn’t come Hebrew-enabled and I wouldn’t be able to ensure it; or I could trade in a used phone. The first salesman in the Orange store hardly mentioned the idea of trading in a phone, because I’m a new immigrant and don’t have a phone to trade in. But when Avi and I went downstairs to the Orange stand outside Superpharm, the salesman there said I should “just get a phone – any phone – and trade it in,” and that the price would then drop by NIS 360 to NIS 1044.
“But I don’t have a phone to trade in,” I protested, actually protesting not my lack of a phone but his failure to understand that not everyone has a closet of used cell phones.
“Just get one,” he replied, and when I queried “but where??” he responded “anywhere…” making a gesture around the expanse of the mall, suggesting that there are cheap cell phones for the taking, if I’d only open my eyes.
It took me a while to figure out what he was saying, but it appears obvious now. Most people pay for insurance on their phones, and it seems they want me to acquire one through dubious means (eg, reporting it stolen and getting a replacement), which theoretically I could do with the temporary phone I have now, but which of course I won’t because that’s just a bit too dishonest for me. I think I’ll ask on Janglo, instead. The guy said it should cost NIS 100 or less, which means I’d still save NIS 260. This whole thing doesn’t make sense at all, but if that’s the way it is, that’s the way it is.

Phone-shopping at the mall is a post from Lines Writing Lines.

Jerusalem, crazy city

NG — Wed, 08 Dec 2004 19:09:14 +0000

Lest anyone doubt, even for just a moment, that life in Jerusalem is not a constant struggle between the real and the insane, here is a post from Janglo encouraging Jerusalemites to purchase styrofoam boxes and to leave those boxes outside in their neighborhoods, so that street cats – street cats, for crying out loud! – can live there.

Subject: [janglo] Society for the Protection of Street Cats – Correction on Prices
Date: 3 December 2004 2:32:05 PM IST
To: janglo@yahoogroups.com

It should read The Society for the Protection of Street Cats is selling styrofoam boxes that can be used to shelter homeless cats from the rain, wind, and cold (as well as the burning sun in the summer months). They can be picked from Etta in the German Colony. NIS 50 for large boxes and NIS 35 for smaller ones. Call Etta at XXXXXXX

Thanks a lot and Shabbat Shalom,
Shifra

Sometimes I honestly wonder what is going on in other people’s heads.

Jerusalem, crazy city is a post from Lines Writing Lines.