Shutterfool's Urban Annoyances

If I ever make a list of reasons why Tel Aviv is the superior city, or at least the best place to live in Israel, I promise not to forget to add this list of Tel Aviv’s problems at the end of it.

To address some of them:

People on the bus who put their feet up on the seat.

On many of the buses, there are actually posted signs that specifically tell people to keep their feet off the seats. I’m less literate in Hebrew than the average Israeli, and I have no problem figuring out the signs, so this behavior is obviously one of contempt and not of ignorance. Kind of like on the day I made Aliyah, in the airport hangar where we were being fêted, there was a giant NO SMOKING sign with a group of idiot soldiers smoking directly under it.

Dog shit.

Not much to say, except that I always pick up Sharav’s. I hadn’t noticed a discrepancy in the above- and below-Rothschild dog shit distribution, though I guess spending 99.9% of my time above Rothschild could have contributed to that. What I have noticed is that plenty of dog owners in central and northern neighborhoods have a lot of trouble cleaning up after their dogs. Should I assume they’re just visiting Florentians?

People reserving their spot at the supermarket.

I don’t tolerate this practice; nor do I tolerate those who tolerate it. If I ever see a checkout line at the supermarket with an unmanned cart or basket at the end, I take the cart or basket, move it somewhere else, and then get in that line. Sometimes the owner protests, and I just explain how shopping in a supermarket works – First we choose what to buy, then we stand in line, then we pay – as if to a child. Occasionally they’ll curse me vehemently for my chutzpah, but then I suddenly forget how to understand Hebrew.

The absolutely ridiculous public transportation system.

Right! There’s no bus from the beach to my house.

Also, there’s absolutely no indication at bus stops as to when the fucking bus may arrive or the frequency with which it runs, all you get is a map and a timetable that says the bus runs from 5AM to midnight.

Correction: sometimes you get a map at the bus stop, but you almost never get one on the bus. Imagine trying to maneuver the subway in New York, a much simpler system than the buses in Tel Aviv, without maps on the trains. When you call the bus company here to ask for information about a bus route or how to get from one place to another, you find that their hours are something ridiculous like 7 am to 7 pm. The buses run until midnight … so what are we supposed to do if we need information in the evenings?

People on scooters who think it’s perfectly acceptable to use the pavement when the road is clogged.

People on scooters, period. Everything is wrong about them. Everything they do is wrong. Also people on bicycles, except the ones who wear helmets, ride in the street (or in designated bike lanes) and follow traffic regulations.

The amount of Hummers in the city.

I also don’t understand this. To be a driver in the army – that is, to drive a Hummer – is not considered desirable or interesting. So how is it that people leave the army, travel in Thailand or South America, come back to Israel and suddenly, in their civilian lives, want to be seen driving a Hummer?

The penis building off the Ayalon.

I wish I didn’t know what building she’s talking about. But I do. And that really bothers me.